Don't confuse content with connection
& other takeaways from a three-day social media cleanse.
Last Sunday, I felt a lot of anxiety for no reason that I could pinpoint. It was the tail-end of Fourth of July weekend, some of our best family friends had just come to visit, and I didn’t have a job to go back to Monday morning due to study abroad/self-induced unemployment. I texted a few of my close friends about this, and they quickly responded saying they, too, felt the same random wave of overwhelming emotions.
In a different conversation with a friend, we both remarked on how so many people we knew seemed to be posting a ton of photos from the Fourth weekend. I also got a weekly notification about my screentime and instantly winced at the number, and realized it was almost midnight and I was still on my phone. Hmmm.
One of my favorite traits of myself, which some might not agree with, is my ability to make quick decisions. When I get a strong feeling about something, I tend to act on it immediately. So, the only solution to these Sunday scaries was to delete Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok immediately off of my phone and pledge to do a three-day social media cleanse.
The terms were simple– absolutely no redownloading those three apps, but I could iMessage or call any friend or family member I needed or wanted to talk to. I posted a private story about my cleanse like a middle schooler so my friends could reach me if they needed me, and was off to turn my week and mind around.
I had been wanting to cleanse from social media for a while now. I touched on this more in my post about my Life Lessons from Study Abroad, but the start of my summer had definitely had a more digital focus than my life normally does. I was posting regularly about my trip on all of my platforms, and definitely caught myself prioritizing and cultivating my online image more than I would like to as a result.
Additionally, I am a proud believer of the importance of a Snapchat private story. I am probably in the 1% of people I know who post on theirs most frequently, but I do this because mine is made up solely of my closest friends, all of whom are long distance in the summer and half of whom are long distance in the school year. My private story is a place for me to feel connected to my friends while I’m away from them, a place for me to showcase my humor and creativity, and a place for me to learn more about my friends and vice versa as we interact with each other’s posts. When someone has a great private story and adds me to it, it makes me feel so important! I love a chance to get a better glimpse into my friends’ lives, and I hope my private story does the same for them. That being said, I do post on it a lot, and this can take some time and attention away from my days. Much of what I post could also easily be texted to one or two friends or group chats at a time rather than publicized to 25 people.
Essentially, I theorized that the absence of my private story and social media platforms would positively affect my focus on personal relationships, rather than mass, often false digital ones.
I entered my cleanse feeling energized, for I do love a challenge. My first day started pretty typical, because for the past few years, I have made it a point to not go on my phone for the first hour of my day. I cannot stress how important I think this is. It is my #1 healthy habit I can’t function without, and can feel instantly when I don’t follow it. It is a game-changer.
As the day went on and I did check my phone, I wasn’t inundated with constant notifications and gratification. I also didn’t have to scroll through everyone else’s life to catch up on Instagram and TikTok like I normally do. The absence of these entertainments left me feeling so incredibly peaceful and emotionally regulated– a complete 180 to how I was feeling just the night prior.
Without distractions, I was filled with a lot of discretion about how I wanted to utilize my day. I noticed a surge in my productivity for tasks I normally would’ve put off, more intention during my daily workout, chores, and conversations with my parents, and more creativity. I started a new habit of trying to go in my new pool at the ranch everyday, got back into writing, and explored new podcasts and TV shows for entertainment instead of scrolling.
But the most dramatic change I noticed during this social media cleanse was the impact I felt it had on my long-distance relationships. Without seeing what my friends were up to on social media or Snapchat group chats, it was on me to make the effort to reach out, iMessage them, and start a genuine conversation about how they were and what was going on in their lives. Similarly, my mind felt so much more open without distractions that much more random thoughts, stories, or old memories would come to me that I loved to text my friends and start a discussion about. I even went full old-school (kidding) with two different friends and actually spoke to them on the phone, which was the highlight of the whole three days.
Throughout all interactions, I actually felt like I was furthering my relationships– a feeling I can tell you is not replicated when I post with my friends or comment on their Instagram posts. Though I don’t intend it to be, I feel like it is impossible for these acts to subconsciously not be performative. Even when you’re in a phase of life where you’re not scrolling through Instagram story viewers to see if one certain person viewed it (and high five, let’s celebrate that), of course our digital identity and posts are filtered, edited, and strategically put together to hide any imperfections for an audience. As a result, they don’t show the true us. But how could they ever?
The truth is, the truth that the pitfalls of social media like to distract us from, the real you– the real self, relationships, and lifestyle– is so much cooler and filled with more depth than the you you’re trying to convey on social media. Every night I went to bed during the cleanse, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of happiness, joy, and peace for the day I just had, because I wasn’t scrolling through everyone else’s or trying to impress someone else with it. Instead, I just got to experience it and keep it special for myself.
As I returned to social media post-cleanse, I strived not to fall back into old habits. Social media can absolutely be used for good, and it’s unrealistic for me to fully write it off during this time in my life. However, I felt inspired to be more personal and intentional about how I use it. I decided to share my writing on a bigger Instagram account, something I was so scared to do but felt so much love and connection after doing. I set some app limits and keep certain times in the day away from it. And most of all, I’m remembering that true, authentic, connection is best achieved through genuine conversations and engagement– and that can be done on iMessage or Snapchat when you have to, but is way better done on a walk or coffee date :)
Excellent!